Landmark Baptist

I posted this to the ABAmailinglist, so any of you that get those messages will see it again. I am really concerned about this situation and would like to help him. He is a very good friend of mine.

I was on the phone a little earlier with a preacher friend of mine. He told me about this situation and asked me for advice. I told him that I would have to pray and sleep on it and told him I'd ask you guys about it as well. I told him that no names would be used, but I'd like to know the "learned brethren's" opinions. I relay it to him. Bare with me, it is pretty lengthy.

He told me that, about a year ago, he had a member of his church, a man about 40, come to the altar during the invitation, sobbing and crying his heart out to God. At the end of the service, the man came to my preacher friend, wanting to talk to him in the office.

He met with the man and he told him that for about 5 years, he had been guilty of watching pornography, on the computer and videos behind his wife's back. She had no idea of it, but she had suspicions. He was very convicted of it and had just gone to the altar and asked the Lord to forgive him and he knew that the Lord had. He said that, as far as he knew, no one in the church or ANYONE knew that he had been doing this. He said that he had driven to a store about 25 miles away from his house and bought some stuff and he had bought a post office box at a post office in a neighboring town and that is where he had mail stuff sent. He said he was sure that no one knew about it, but his question was that, should he have to go before the church and confess to the people what he had been doing and apologize to them for what he had been doing?

My pastor friend, a year ago now, asked him of the ramifications if he were to do that. He told the pastor that his wife would probably not be able to take it and forgive him fully. Even though he was coming clean, he said he was sure that she would leave him. He knew, at the minimum, he couldn't come back to the church there knowing that the people now knew what he had done. It would be too embarrassing and he knew his wife would not be able to come back. In fact, this is a small town, not a tiny town, but a town of about 15,000, and he said that they would have to consider moving if it came out. He was very distraught.

My friend said that he told him that, if he asked the Lord to forgive him and had from his heart, that God had forgiven him and cleansed him and that, as long as no one knew of his sin to bring reproach to the church or the Lord, that he didn't think that he should apologize for anything, that God had forgiven him and "go and sin no more". The next day, he called this pastor up and asked him to come over to his house. HIs wife was gone for the day shopping, and the man brought the preacher into a big woodshop out back, showed him a big box with about 50 tapes and disks in it of porn movies and asked him to go with him to the landfill and dispose of this stuff with him. The pastor agreed, they sealed the box up with duct tape, and dumped it at the landfill and came home. The man left and continued to attend and serve the Lord, with nothing said, for a year.

About 5 or 6 days ago, the man came to see this pastor friend and told him that, his wife approached him a couple of days before and asked him if he had been buying porn by mail. He asked her, "Why do you ask?" She then showed him a porn catalogue, addressed to him with his name, and showed him where it said, on the front, "Dear ________ (his name filled in), where have you been?" And then it offered him an item for 50% off to "get him to come back". He said that he had no idea they would send a catalogue there because he NEVER used his home address for anything, it was that PO Box and he had closed it for a year ago. He said that he sat down with his wife and confessed everything to her! He told her of how he had come and made things right with the Lord and that he had talked to the pastor and what he had said to her. He had not done anything with porn for over a year and was through with it. His wife was understandably upset and said that she would have to decide what she needed to do. They both assured the other they loved each other. However, the wife said that, at the time, she felt he needed to come before the church and apologize to them.

My pastor friend said that his wife called him yesterday and talked to him on the phone and had decided to stay with her husband. She said that, she could tell in the past year that he was a different man, a better husband and Christian, and even though she didn't know what had happened, he was not doing somethings that had bothered her in the past, in their sexual relationships. But, and here is the "kicker", she felt that he still needed to go before the church and confess to the church because he had still done the church wrong! My friend told her that, it would cause some problems in the man's relationship with the church having to tell them something like that, when it was behind him a year and they didn't know anything about it. She then told him that, a close friend of hers in the church NOW KNEW ABOUT IT because the wife had confided in her a couple of days ago while she was still trying to decide what she was going to do and asked her to pray about it.

Now, here is where we are. My friend asked if he needs to go to this lady and talk to her about it and try to convince her to KEEP IT QUIET and not tell anyone, and, if she had, who? Should he bring everyone together who knew, the man, his wife, this lady and possibly her husband and anyone else to try to "nip it in the bud" before it went further. He hasn't talked to the man this is about his wife telling someone until he can figure something out. He said this lady friend is not a big mouthed gossip type of woman, she is a pretty stable person, but her husband is a bit of a Pharisee and would probably think that the other guy should come before the church and apologize.

Now, this is after a year has passed with this fellow showing that he has put this sin behind him and he has not been doing it in the past year. Yet now, he has been thrust back into a situation that he may have to dredge it back up FROM HIS PAST and ask forgiveness in a situation where God has put it behind his back. What do you guys think?

Personally, I think that this pastor friend should call the ones who know into his office and advise them that this sin is in the past and there is no reason to bring it up now before the church. First, I would surely take this other lady and, if she has told her husband and/or anyone else and tell them that this could and probably would cost the church a good family IF they ever blabber it to ANYONE else. They would need to take this to their graves. I would then tell the man who is the center of the controversy and his wife, that it is behind them, both in their church situation and their marriage and that the woman needs to let it go and let her husband rebuild his life and put it behind him and not hold this over his head. I would then bring them all together and tell them all together that it should not go any further than this office THIS DAY, get a committment from everyone there that, for the cause of Christ, this church, this family and this friendship, that we will promise BEFORE GOD that this would be the end. I would then tell them all to take hands and lead them in prayer, rejoicing that our God is a forgiving, restoring God and we would all commit to put this, in our lives, as God has done, put it as far as the East and the West, in the deepest sea never to remember it again.

Thanks for the consideration. As you can see, this is a very touchy situation, that requires much prayer and sage advice. I am planning on compiling the answers I receive in the next few days and forward it to him by email. I will remove any references of your names on there if you would like. Just make sure you let me know that and I'll delete your names.

Pastor Marty McCoy
Schillinger Road Baptist Church
Mobile, Alabama

Wow Brother this is a tough situation.

I want to just say that I will be praying for this to be resolved in a manner that would be pleasing unto God. I don't know what that will entail but it will be my prayer.

The more we try to hide sin the more it gets revealed, although here it sounds like they are asking for discretion and not secrecy.

Perhaps if they as a unified couple come before the assembly and express they have had a challenge to the vows of their marriage over the past year and they are dealing with it and would like to ask the assembly to help them through prayer seeking Gods security and compassion on their lives and more importantly marriage. Use discretion but get their (the assemblies) prayerful help in dealing with it. If they both can and have commited to putting this behind them then it won't do any good to drag it out of the graveyard, but it also won't do them any harm to have Gods people praying for stregth in their marriage.

cbut1 wrote:The more we try to hide sin the more it gets revealed, although here it sounds like they are asking for discretion and not secrecy.

Perhaps if they as a unified couple come before the assembly and express they have had a challenge to the vows of their marriage over the past year and they are dealing with it and would like to ask the assembly to help them through prayer seeking Gods security and compassion on their lives and more importantly marriage. Use discretion but get their (the assemblies) prayerful help in dealing with it. If they both can and have commited to putting this behind them then it won't do any good to drag it out of the graveyard, but it also won't do them any harm to have Gods people praying for stregth in their marriage.

Excellent response cbut1...
But let me add a little negetivity here...
It's a sad and disheartening fact that "wagging tongues" exist within our churches . I wholeheartedly agree with your comments about the couple rebuilding their wedding vows and since the "story" is out, their public testimony would be profitable. But they still may keep it discret without too many details in the public testimony.
I believe with the public testimony, the couple and the church will grow stronger in their faith and eventually, the wagging tongues with cease. Or they will find something else to claim their attention. [Kinda like Mrs. Olson on Little House on the Prairie]